💀🏃♂️ Jog of Doom: Russian Submarine Mastermind Meets His Maker on Morning Run!
TL;DR;
Not your everyday morning jog tale! Stanislav Rzhitsky, a notorious Russian sub commander, got a cardio workout he didn’t bargain for! While enjoying his routine run, someone played a high stakes game of “Tag, You’re It” with Rzhitsky, but instead of a friendly tap, it was four bullet wounds. Who was the trigger-happy jogger and why was Rzhitsky their bullseye? Let’s lace up our detective shoes and jog through the facts!🔍👟
Full Monty:
Hey there, adrenaline junkies! Stanislav Rzhitsky, Russia’s infamous submarine commander accused of atrocities in Ukraine, just joined the “I died during my morning jog” club! Rzhitsky, known for sharing his jogging routes on the popular fitness app Strava, had an unscheduled meeting with a bullet delivery service while on his daily run in Krasnodar. Talk about a “killer” workout, right?
According to local buzz, Stanislav was shot four times – twice in the chest and twice in the back. As far as morning surprises go, that’s way worse than finding out your favorite coffee shop is out of almond milk! 😱💔
Russian media is pointing fingers at Ukraine for this action movie-worthy hit, but the Ukrainian intelligence chief, Kyrylo Budanov, has said, “Not us, mate!” and suggests that Russia itself might be the heart of this crime mystery. Now isn’t that a plot twist? 🌀
Rzhitsky’s sub, the Krasnodar, loaded with Kalibr cruise missiles, was blamed for a devastating attack on Vinnytsia in Ukraine last year. 27 lives were lost in this horror show. The Ukrainians even have a database with Rzhitsky’s name in the ‘war crime participation’ list. However, things aren’t as simple as they seem.
You see, Ukrainian authorities hint that Rzhitsky wasn’t exactly besties with his fellow Russian military colleagues. Word is that he refused to further carry out missile strikes on Ukraine due to the risk to civilians. That’s right, he supposedly grew a conscience. Did his refusal paint a big, fat target on his back, compliments of his own comrades? 🤷♀️🎯
Now, here’s where it gets more tangled than earphone wires in your pocket. Rzhitsky’s family denies that he was part of any “special military operation” against Ukraine. Papa Rzhitsky claims his son left the military in August 2022 and later joined the Krasnodar administration.
However, one thing is crystal clear – Rzhitsky had a fatal habit of posting his jogging routes on Strava. It wasn’t rocket science for the killer(s) to find a “convenient spot for execution.” As they say, don’t mix business with pleasure, and that includes your love for running and dubious military activities! 🏃♂️💀
So, who’s the real culprit here? Could it be the Ukrainians seeking revenge, or did Rzhitsky’s own comrades turn on him? Or was it someone else entirely? Was it his public jogging routes that sealed his fate or would the same thing have happened if he’d chosen a treadmill instead?
Whatever the case may be, this incident will surely make every fitness enthusiast think twice before sharing their workout routes. Would you share your running path with the world, knowing you could be one step away from your own “jog of doom”? 👀🔪
